


Shenanigans

by Carbonel



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Hinted Brian May/Freddie Mercury, M/M, past Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, possibly Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee/Joe Mazzello
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-18 18:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17585858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carbonel/pseuds/Carbonel
Summary: Nothing goes quite the way anyone's expecting when Roger and Brian visit the boys during the filming of the I Want To Break Free scenes.





	1. Roger

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I'm not really sure how to structure things when my brain goes in tangents and also I have a comma addiction and staying in tenses is hard and I haven't really written in a long time and I hope this is readable omg, sorry.

“I think I want to fuck _myself_.”

Brian doesn’t look up from his phone but his thumb does pause from it’s scrolling on the screen.

Anyone that _wasn’t_ his best friend might not have noticed the brief evidence of his distraction, but Roger does and he smiles to himself pleased he’s gotten the other man’s attention.

“Well. People have been telling you to go fuck yourself for years, Rog.” Brian replies, resuming his scrolling like he hadn’t stopped at all. “I know I certainly have. ...Once or twice.”

Roger laughs genuinely, leaning back in his chair in Brian’s kitchen with a grin on his face. “Not what I meant. I mean, I want to fuck me. Or, fuck him- but _as me._ And _that_ me in particular.”

He watches Brian’s brow furrow slightly. The glow from the phone screen highlights the slightly impatient look on his face as he obviously tries to parse what Roger is saying to him. Then he finally looks up from whatever he’s doing to meet Roger’s eyes with an unspoken exasperated question written on his face.

Roger takes pity on him, laughing again as he gets up to show him a photo Joe had sent him from the makeup trailer.

Brian looks at the picture of Ben, taking a moment to gaze over the young man's black-lined blue eyes and the soft full pinkness of his lips before he looks amused at the so very familiar blonde wig and schoolgirl uniform. He makes an appreciative noise. “Oh... Yes. very pretty… I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Roger scoffs, incredulous, looking at the picture. “Look at him, he’s fucking _beautiful_! ...He looks just like I did back then. ...I turned every man’s head when I wore that outfit!”

It’s Brian’s turn to scoff as he returns his attention back to composing a text on his own phone. “You were not that pretty; not as pretty as her, him. ...Ben.”

“I was pretty enough for you,” Roger retorts, pleased at the small flush of colour that tinges Brian’s cheeks at that. He doesn’t let him reply though.

 

 ~+~

The reason Roger doesn’t let Brian reply is because while that day was

a, the closest he’d gotten his friend to stop being such a staunchly boring heterosexual

and b, he considers that day - and the blush Brian gets whenever it’s mentioned - one of his (many) great achievements in life

it still burns that Brian still hadn’t given in and so much as just… kissed him.

Even after they’d been alone in the trailer, four vodka and cokes in, dressed the way he was with Brian so close to him drunkenly mumbling against his hair ‘ _Rog you’re so… pretty, your eyes are pretty and your lips are… pretty and your legs are- a-and God, your arse in that skirt, and- and you just look so good and-’_ It’d ended with a wistful sigh from Brian and a ‘ _if only you weren’t my best friend and_ -’ and as barely an afterthought ‘a _nd if only you really were a girl…_ ’ and that was that.

 ~+~

 

Roger keeps talking. “They’re re-enacting the filming today and Joe asked if we were able to drop by. I said we’d head over.”

“Of course you did.” There’s a sigh and Brian looks back up at him again, a small frown on his face. “...Rog, Ben’s a nice lad. Please don’t-” he pauses, “Well…”

“Please don’t _fuck_ him?” Roger asks with a mischievous smile, enjoying the discomfort he can see in Brian’s eyes. “Please don’t go to his trailer and let him suck my cock while he’s dressed like me and I come down his throat calling him my own name?”

“ _Roger_!” Brian looks scandalised.

That causes another laugh to escape Roger and he claps his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Don’t worry yourself, Bri. I know what I’m doing.”

“Well I am worried. Not just for him, but you too. Please be _careful_.”

Roger rolls his eyes but squeezes Brian’s shoulder anyway in reassurance. “Come on, let’s get going.” He pauses before adding slyly, “Joe said Gwilym was particularly pleased we could go along.” He watches the colour on Brian’s cheeks return again and smirks.

 

 

 ~+~

Also, while he’s thinking about Brian’s apparent lack of, at the very least, homosexual curiosities in the past, this… thing between Brian and Gwilym he can see developing makes him feel _something_.

Not jealous or angry, because he’s actually really pleased to see his best mate finally not just being flustered and flattered at another man’s attention but actually seeking it out.

(even if it is under pretences and with excuses because Brian is willfully and stubbornly blind to the idea he could be falling for someone, especially a male someone)

But it does make him feel just a little hurt that it’d never been him that’d tempted Brian.

 ~+~ 

 

He grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and his voice goes up as he feigns innocence. “Is he still texting you at odd hours asking questions supposedly for the role?”

“What do you mean, _supposedly_? I _told_ him he could text me any time he wanted about anything,” Brian replies defensively as he shoves his phone in his pocket like it might betray him. “His questions are relevant! Important to his role. He just wants to get things right, get them perfect and I respect and admire that about him.”

“Life imitates art. ...Or, art imitates life?” Roger taps his chin thoughtfully, not sure which he means, and as his chance to attempt to be profound slips away from him he just shrugs. “What I mean is peas in a fucking pod, the pair of you. I don’t know how they managed to cast someone more _you_ than you as you, but they did.”

“Shut up, Rog.” Brian replies, grabbing his coat, then he looks to his bedroom. “...I’ll join you in the car in a minute. I just want to get something for him.”

Roger watches him disappear down the hall then for once he does as he’s told and heads out to the car, texting Joe on the way.

 

 

 

> **Roger** : Thnks for sharing those pics.
> 
> **Joe** : You're welcome; I like taking the photos and he likes the attention. ;)
> 
> **Roger** : Can’t believe you want to share him with me. You’re a fucking star Joe.
> 
> **Roger** : Leaving now. Bringing Bri. He still has no idea, stupid sod.
> 
> **Joe** : About Gwil’s crush you mean?
> 
> **Joe** : Honestly I don’t even think Gwil knows himself. It’s obvious to Ben and I though.
> 
> **Roger** :...I am getting more and more sure Gwilym and Bri are the same person.


	2. Gwilym

“You’re _gorgeous_... Honestly, you make such a sexy woman, mate… I don’t know how I can control my lust if you stay dressed like that much longer...” there’s a laugh behind the words, threatening to spill as Gwilym speaks, trying his best to keep it together. “How am I supposed to contain myself?”

“Steady on, he’s _mine_. Just 'cause he makes such a beautiful woman doesn’t mean you’re suddenly allowed to start wanting him!”

“Can’t help it mate,” Gwilym gives in and does start laughing now as he looks over at Ben who’d just spoken. “I just didn’t know Joe could give off such raw sexual magnetism!”

Joe pulls the dress coat a little higher with one hand to reveal some more of his leg- and the thick wrinkled tights they’re in, daintily adjusting his hat with his other hand as he models the outfit he’ll be wearing in the video, acting as though he’s wearing something far more appealing than what he actually is.

He grins as Gwilym laughs harder and he winks over at Ben who rolls his eyes at his lover even if he can’t help smiling anyway.

 

~+~

The wink doesn’t escape Gwilym’s notice, and he finds himself smiling as he watches the other two start bickering about the hat. There’s something about their relationship that he feels so privileged to get to see. On set they’re never overt, but Gwilym sees the small touches, the shared looks and wry smiles and while he does envy it, it also just makes him feel so happy that these men he’s become such good friends with are so _in love._ And he loves that they trust him and aren’t afraid to be themselves around him.

~+~

 

Joe’s phone ringing breaks the bickering and there’s a grin on the other man’s face as he answers the phone. “Hello Mr Taylor.”

Gwilym wonders at the sudden eager look Ben gets on his face at that and he curiously watches the changes of both their body language; Joe’s smirk as he talks and Ben chewing on his bottom lip as he waits.

“We’ll see you in Ben’s trailer then.” Joe’s eyes meet Gwilym’s as he talks and Gwilym feels _regarded_. “Yes he’s here. I’ll let him know; just tell him to let himself in. See you in five.” He hangs up the phone and nods his head at Ben who grins at him, apparently knowing exactly what’s going on and he gives Gwilym a wink and no words at all before heading out.

“Queen are coming by-” Joe speaks to him, distracting him from watching Ben disappear in that obscenely short skirt.

“Uh- What? ...Wait, both of them?” Gwil sits up a little straighter. “They’re coming here? Now?”

“Yes, I invited them. Wanted to ask some questions about this video, I mean, it’s iconic! And Ben has some new tricks he really wants to show Roger so…”

“Joe, they’re coming here _now_?” Gwilym’s mouth feels dry and he gets up quick.

“While we’re dressed like- like this?” He gestures to the pink nightgown and slippers he’s wearing. “I can’t!”

Joe just laughs. “At least you’re not in full makeup and wig like Ben. Anyway, I’m meeting Roger with Ben. I told him to tell Brian to just come here to your trailer and let himself in.”

Gwilym can _see_ the smirk on his friends face and his cheeks get a little hot and he quickly reaches down to grab one of the ridiculous bunny slippers off his feet and throw it at Joe who starts to laugh and makes a dart out the door after Ben.

Fuck, fuck, bloody fucking fuck. Gwilym wrenches off the other slipper, hopping about on one ridiculously long leg as he tries to pull off one sock and then the other, letting out an undignified yelp as he bangs a shin into the table and topples back into the chair.

 

~+~

He looks ridiculous in this nightgown but that’s not exactly the reason he doesn’t want to see Brian in it. It’s that he doesn’t want the older man to feel like Gwilym is _mocking_ him, that he isn’t taking this opportunity, this role seriously. Because he is, because he wants to do Brian _justice_ on the screen. He wants other people to appreciate Brian the way _he_ does.

He’s only just barely able to stop enthusiastically telling Ben and Joe new things he’s learned about the Brian every time they get talking about the band because Joe’s started giving this _look_ every time he does, a look somewhere between amusement and pity.

~+~

 

He’s just standing up again to try and pull the nightgown up over his head when the door opens and Brian does just let himself in only to stop at the sight of Gwilym standing in the middle of the room in nothing but his boxers and the nightgown around his midriff. “I, uh- sorry...”

He stands for a few more seconds with Brian’s eyes looking over him fleetingly before away and then Brian laughs softly, head bobbing slightly in the way that he does, in the way that Gwilym’s watched a hundred times over, convincing himself it’s just learning mannerisms for the role and not because he _likes_ to watch Brian, and likes the way his chest constricts a little every time he watches Brian’s small, shy laugh.

“You look a right idiot.”

“Well, I feel like one too,” Gwilym replies, catching himself from staring even though he’s the one that is practically naked and Brian’s standing there fully clothed. He finishes pulling off the nightgown and looks around for something to pull on instead.

“I brought this. ...I remember being the one feeling like a right idiot when I was filming the video and… I thought…” Brian looks like he’s not really sure what he thought, but he offers out a folded up red bundle. “Well this helped, it’s from that video.”

Gwilym frowns and unfolds it, eyes widening a little as he sees it’s a red dressing gown with Brian’s name embroidered into the back of it. “This is… Wow. I can’t wear this!”

“Well I’d rather you did than freeze to death.” Brian looks up from pointedly avoiding looking at Gwilym’s lean, fit and almost naked body to give him a small grin. The one Gwilym gets this fluttery _thing_ in his stomach whenever he sees.

“Right.” Gwilym stares at the dressing gown a moment longer before he pulls it on around himself. It gives him a strange thrill as he does, thinking about how he’s lounging here in just his underwear and Brian’s clothing. It’s different from dressing _like_ Brian, and pretending to be him. This is himself, wearing Brian’s actual clothing… He can’t explain it at all so he turns his head to hide any possible colouring of his cheeks and motions to the kettle. “Uh… tea?”

“Lovely,” Brian says, unknowingly thinking almost the exact same thing- how strangely thrilling it is to see this beautiful man in nothing but _his_ clothes. Like he’s… _his_.


	3. Joe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's kind of short. I kept feeling like it has to be at least 3k to be worth posting, but I've not had any real time to write over the last week. :/

Joe’s just finished changing back into a soft t-shirt and jeans in the other trailer, coming out of the washroom to find Ben straddled over Roger’s lap. The younger man is leaning into Roger to whisper in his ear and one hand is guiding Roger’s hand down to his thigh, encouraging the drummer to touch.

Joe grins as he takes a few pictures of them on his phone, wondering what Ben’s saying to the older man to make Roger bite his lip like that, to make his blue eyes widen slightly. There can’t be many things that could surprise someone like Roger Taylor surely?

He gets a little closer, taking another picture, his eyes on the screen of his phone until Ben turns to look at him through the lens, teeth nipping Roger’s earlobe even as he stares directly into Joe’s camera lens.

That makes Joe’s eyes lift to look at them properly, eyes actually meeting Ben’s rather than watching him on the screen. They hold a gaze for a moment and Joe puts his phone away without a word, moving to kneel down somewhere by Roger’s feet.

Satisfied he has Joe’s full attention on him, Ben returns to his whispering, and Joe watches, even though just _watching_ has never been one of his strengths. It gets about as far as Roger’s hand sliding up under Ben’s skirt to caress the curve of the younger man’s firm arse and Ben’s teeth grazing Roger’s throat before Joe _has_ to reach out to touch them both.

Ben is faster though and he slaps Joe’s hand away before he can touch either of the men on the sofa. Roger lets out a low, soft chuckle and Ben smirks at him, returning to kiss down Roger’s throat as Joe sits back with a huffed out sigh. Even in a short skirt and pigtails, moaning at being felt up by a man forty years older than him, Ben’s the one in control.

(Not that Joe ever thought it’d be otherwise, because he’s always known Ben would make the first moves, that the younger man would be the one to define what they meant to each other.)

Ben says something that makes Roger suddenly _growl,_ low and almost desperate and there’s a fleeting look of _something_ on his face that makes Joe wishes so badly that he knew what was behind it. He darts his tongue out over his lips as he strains to hear them.

“Well? What do you think, _Mr. Taylor_?” Ben replies, tongue flicking out over Roger’s pulse.

“Does your boyfriend-”

(Joe feels his heart swell a little at that. Boyfriend. He’s Ben’s _boyfriend_.)

“- know what you’re suggesting? Is he alright with that?”

“Joe’s a good boy,” Ben almost purrs as he looks down at Joe, batting his lashes and Joe feels a blush creeping up his neck at how it makes him feel when Ben tells him that he’s a _good boy._ Especially Ben dressed the way he is right now because there’s definitely something _kinky as fuck_ in the power dynamics going on, having this beautiful wide-eyed, innocent looking schoolgirl that is Bensaying things like“He lets me do what I want. He likes to please. As long as he’s the only one that gets to come inside me, because I’m his and no-one else’s.”

(And fuck if that isn’t true, Joe thinks. Whatever Ben wants, he can have, as long as he’s Joe’s at the end of the day.)

“He’s right. Whatever he wants.” Joe murmurs, leaning into the touch that Ben rewards him with. “Though… What _did_ he suggest?”

“Fucking him up against the wall between this trailer and the other,” Roger replies, watching Ben’s fingers gently stroke Joe’s curls. “So that…” he trails off as though he can’t bring himself to say the rest.

“So that Gwil and Brian hear us. I know it turns Gwil on to hear me getting fucked… There’ll be no hiding it in that nightie he’s wearing. ...And maybe Brian’ll help him out.”

Joe laughs at that. “You’re such a good friend, Ben. Offering to be fucked in an attempt to play matchmaker for a friend.”

Ben just gives him a grin and looks back at Roger. “Well?”

Roger nods after a moment then none-too-gently pushes Ben off his lap and reaches out for Joe. Joe takes the hand and blinks as he’s pulled into the older man’s lap and he glances between the two of them before Roger leans in and kisses him.

“Hey!” Ben protests. “Hey, he’s _mine!_ ”

Joe’s faintly aware of Ben pulling on his shirt, but he doesn’t move as Roger kisses him slowly and he starts to kiss him back. It’s long and slow and they’re both aware of Ben’s petulant complaints in the background but they’re duly ignored. Eventually Joe pulls back and lets out a dazed ‘Sorry, Ben” but Roger grins as he touches his forehead to Joe’s.

“He wasn’t talking to you Joe, he was talking to me. He was reminding me that _you’re his_.”

Joe’s grin at the love that makes him feel is ridiculous but he can’t help it. He looks at Roger who winks and they share a moment then, proving to Joe what he thinks he’s always known- Roger knows him and he knows Roger.

“If you two are _finished.”_ Ben huffs at them.

Joe laughs, getting up off Roger and pulling Ben in to kiss him chastely- more to not ruin his makeup than anything- then pushes him towards the wall. “Go on then, Benjamina, hands against the wall and spread those shapely legs of yours for Mr. Taylor.”

Ben’s eyes darken at that and his tongue flicks over his lips before nodding at him and walking over to the wall.

~+~

Joe might look enough like John to question his parentage and Ben might be flashy and beautiful like Roger but their personalities are the reverse; Joe can see it in the photos of the band.

Roger is messy and needy in his desire to be close to his friends, perfectly comfortable in his tactile nature, reaching out to the other three to pull them in to him or sitting closer to them than is even remotely necessary or outright sprawling into their space and onto their bodies.

Joe is the same, wanting to be close to Ben and Gwil and Rami (and Lucy and Allen when he gets the chance). Seeking them out with touch or encouraging their own tactility and demanding their attention with his jokes. He knows it’s like he was worried that if he stopped touching them they’d forget he was there.

(That was before Ben had made him realise he wouldn’t be forgotten though. That he has a place, and that he means as much to his friends as they mean to him. That they’re not going to wrap up the movie and suddenly become a series of ‘it’s been a while/we should catch up’s.)

Ben is the most like John. Full of quiet smiles and knowing looks and bitingly witty comments. He lets Joe do most of the talking but while Ben (and John) touch less, there’s a depth and meaning in every gesture. Ben’s lingering hand on the small of Joe’s back might seem nothing to the sloppy and outrageous kisses Joe will plant on Gwil’s cheek, but Joe knows knows what that hand means. It means ‘I’m here, with you, I’m close and I’m not going anywhere’.

He thinks he sees that in the photos of John and Roger, the depth of implied meaning in just the lean of their bodies towards each other and the smiles shared across a table. He’s thought about asking Roger about their dynamics but hasn’t been able to bring himself to do it. ‘Hey Rog, did you and Deacy ever fuck, and what about Deacy and Freddie? Ever have a threesome?’ seems a bit intimate.

(...Not that texting Roger pictures of Ben bent over a makeup table with his skirt ridden up and cheeks flushed and lips parted, followed by a ‘he says he’d like to bang the drummer, not the drums’ wasn’t also a bit intimate, but, well, that at least seems to have worked out.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking a while for this Joe/Roger/Ben side of things! I was sort of struggling with firm ideas 'cause I'm so indecisive on who tops who. Ben's so beautiful in drag but I don't think he'd be as sweet as he looks, just like I don't think Roger's as wickedly confident as he pretends. And I'm still not entirely sure how Joe's gonna factor into this because I don't think he's much of a voyeur, he's too much energy and playfulness and love to not want to be in the thick of things. :D


	4. Brian

_Thump!_

_Thump!_

_Thump!_

There’s a long drawn out moan, and then another-

_Thump!_

 

Gwilym’s just finished pouring the tea for him and the younger man lets out a nervous laugh. “Er, I think I’ve got some biscuits somewhere if you want? Probably just digestives. Not even the chocolate kind-”

 

 _Thump._ Another groan, Roger this time for sure.

 

Brian presses his thumb briefly against his temple as he ignores the frustration he can feel building up at Roger, pushing it down so Gwilym doesn’t think for a second it’s directed at him. He gives him a smile. “I don’t want biscuits, but thank you. ...Does that happen a lot?”

 

“What, not getting chocolate on my McVities?”

 

Brian laughs despite the terrible joke and gives him a brighter smile, shaking his head. “I meant the noises.”

Gwilym looks embarrassed for a moment and shrugs, his eyes darting to the wall and back to Brian like he’s unsure about whether he should say anything.

 

Brian understands. “I know about them. Joe and Ben… And Roger. I’ve seen enough secret relationships to be able to see them even when no one else does by now… Roger’s also not very subtle. ...And I think they’re a lovely couple by the way.”

 

The other man relaxes a little and he gives Brian a smile, nodding. “They are, I envy them but I’m so happy _for_ them too. Ben’s smile when he’s around Joe is beautiful, he’s not like that around anyone else. He’s so _cool_ you know? But he gets around Joe and I, and there’s this silly _dork_ side he hides that he lets out around us- around Joe. And Joe… Joe is so full of life and wonder and he loves Ben so _unashamedly_ … Though I’ve never met a man so surprised that someone could love him back, which is crazy because-” he stops, hesitant again.

 

Brian, smiling at the way Gwilym talks about his friends, finds himself understanding again. “Because you love him too.”

 

“...Yeah.” Gwilym lets out a breath, like he’s coming to a realisation. “I love both of them.” A moment passes where he seems to be letting that sink in before he looks back at Brian questioningly.

 

“Freddie and Rog,” Brian replies as an answer. “It took me years to realise I was smitten with them both and their relationship. I could never admit to myself what I wanted… and what I was. And by the time I did it was too late. They moved on from each other and I’d pushed them both away from me.”

 

 ~+~

 

There’s probably a dozen occasions he can think of where they were on the brink of having what they all wanted, only for him, and him alone to have pulled back, turned away, or ignored it completely.

 

It’d frustrated Freddie no end, because he _knew_ Brian. He could see right through the front that Brian put up and the lies he told himself and the desires he denied. And Freddie had no patience for any of it, he hated the self imposed cage Brian kept himself in and hated that every time he offered Brian another chance to spread his wings

 

( _In a shared hotel room, Freddie had spilt wine all over his own bed and crawled into Brian’s hours ago. They’d been lying together, limbs sprawled without care across one another’s bodies, talking about song lyrics and Freddie had sighed and stroked Brian’s hair from his cheek and murmured ‘stop being so melancholy darling, there’s really no need for it’ and then he’d leant in and pressed a kiss to Brian’s lips)_

 

he had to watch while Brian chose to clip them instead

 

( _Brian dared to half-kiss back only to pull away and play it off with a ‘thanks Fred, you know how I get, stuck in my own head. Maybe we should get some sleep.’)_.

 

It had happened again and again, putting cracks in their friendship, Freddie unable to help his jabs and unable to stop pushing further and further to try and get the other man to snap and give in, and Brian utterly blind to what was really happening and steadfastly stubborn in his denial of what he really wanted.

 

And Roger... Roger didn’t _know_ how Brian really felt, didn’t know his friend had those thoughts and feelings, for years he’d just kept on hoping. Hoping Brian would one day wake up and see what had been right in front of his face. Somebody to love, that loved him back completely.

 

But Brian had stayed blind to his friend’s devotion, not ever seeing it for what it was until years later after some argument he can’t even remember now John had bit out a ‘Well of course Roger agrees with you, Brian. He’s fucking in love with you’ and once that’d escaped his lips, it’s like John couldn’t stop himself, spilling it all out. ‘He’s always been in love with you, Brian. You’ve broken his heart a hundred times and I’ve had to help him patch it up afterwards while you just carried on like nothing happened. So caught up in your own self pity and the romance of being tortured by forbidden desires that you’ve never bothered to notice! Well guess what, Brian, no one gives a fuck who you sleep with but you.”

 

Of course by then it’d been too late and there’d been no more chances, no more him and Roger at three am sitting together on a park bench looking at the stars and talking about their future, blind to the fact that Roger was never asking for affirmation that they’d be great, but that they’d be _together_

 

_(‘I think we’re gonna be great, Brian. You and me, we’re gonna take this world by storm, no one can stop us when we’re together… And we will be, right?’_

_‘Yeah Rog. We’ll be great. You me and Fred against the world. Unstoppable.’_

_‘...Yeah.’)_

 

Or him and Roger sharing expensive drinks on a sellout tour surrounded by a hundred people , before they part ways to their own separate rooms talking about all the things they missed, blind to the fact Roger wasn’t asking him if he missed the past, but missed being together

 

_(‘You ever miss the old days? ...You and me in some dingy hotel room after a gig, too knackered to go out, ordering in a chinese…’_

_‘Sometimes. I’m grateful for what we have now though. Wouldn’t want to go back to living from gig to gig though, trying to scrape enough together to afford that chinese.’_

_‘...Yeah... I guess.’)_

 

Or Roger pressed up drunkenly against him lips almost pressed to his already dressed like a schoolgirl with lashes fluttering and a look on his face that told Brian this was his chance, that if he’d ever wanted to just give in and kiss his best friend, _this_ was that moment.

 

( _‘if only you really were a girl’_ )

 

Like that had really mattered.

 

 ~+~

 

“And now I’m too old anyway,” Brian laughs softly, ducking his head down. “Can’t exactly pass it off as bit of college experimentation now, can I.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Gwilym replies, earnest and genuine and he reaches out to touch Brian’s hand lightly. “You don’t have to make excuses for what you feel, or come up with a justification for what you want to do… that’s what held you back so long in the first place. You just have to be honest with yourself… Admit what you want…”

 

Brian gazes at him, his long fingers curling around Gwilym's hand so he’s holding it gently. There’s a moment where Brian thinks about what he wants, about how he wants to pull Gwilym into his lap and kiss him hard and grab his hips and hold him still and feel Gwilym’s hands in his hair… but then there’s another muffled groan and a thump from the other trailer and Brian blushes and lets go of the hand. He shouldn’t think about Gwilym like that, not when he’s being so _kind_ to him, not when they have this friendship they’re just starting, not when he’s so much older and it could be an abuse of power. ...Not when he’s spent so many years denying himself; if he gives in now, what was ever the point? He doesn’t think he could live with that much regret.

Clearing his throat he gets to his feet, eyes lowered and completely missing the look of disappointment on Gwilym’s face.

 

“What I want, is to teach Roger a bloody lesson for these shenanigans he’s up to!” Brian laughs, looking at Gwilym. “A threesome, at his age? Having it off with someone dressed exactly like him? ...I should find a hose.”

 

“...Or you could beat him at his game.” Gwilym half-whispers.

 

The smile freezes on Brian’s face as he looks back at Gwilym who’s sitting uncomfortably on the edge of his seat, still wrapped in Brian’s dressing gown looking like a mirror of his past self. “...What do you mean?”

 

“We could… I mean, I can probably call your name and out-moan Ben, I bet. If we pretended… Reckon it’d throw them off?”

 

 _Pretended._ Of course. Brian thinks even pretending is a Very Bad Idea, but… Gwilym’s offering to _moan his name_ , as well as help him mess with Roger, and is he really able to turn that down? He starts to laugh and nods, his smile turning conspiratorial. “I _love_ it.”

 

Gwilym grins back and gets up too, heading to the wall and letting his body thump against it glancing to his side as Brian does the same, the two of them side by side against the wall. “I’ve had to act sex scenes out before but this’ll be a new one,” Gwilym whispers with a laugh, eyes on Brian’s before he tips his head back letting out a long slow moan.

 

Brian’s thought about this being a Very Bad Idea resurfaces briefly as his cock twitches with interest at _that_. It’s fine though, he convinces himself, he can absolutely ignore this feeling (at least until he get home tonight). This is supposed to be silly, two grown men standing on one side of a wall pretending to have sex. Utterly silly.

 

Gwilym straightens up from the wall only to slump back hard against it again this time adding a ‘Fuck, _Brian-_ ’ and throwing him a wink and that’s all Brian needs to realise that no, no this doesn’t seem silly at all, in fact it seems sort of sordid and delicious and definitely a Very Bad Idea.

 

He absolutely blames Roger for everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyy again that I'm a confusing writer. :/ Thinking in tangents, always.


End file.
